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MONTHLY
PRACTICE
A practice
is an activity that you do again and again with standards
in mind and correcting to those standards. The purpose of
a practice is to improve a skill or quality. (James Flaherty
in Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others) A practice
can help you learn something about yourself, your actions,
and your effectiveness.
For example,
as I prepare for ski season, I practice getting my body in
the proper alignment for skiing. I practice by standing on
a hill with the awareness of knowing more about what I am
doing---how my hips are positioned, where my shoulders point,
where my weight is on my feet. I do this repeatedly to learn
more about how my body is aligned. What is it like when I
feel more aligned? Less aligned? The practice helps me make
any adjustments and fine-tune how I can align my body even
better for smoother, efficient, balanced skiing.
Practices
can be used in any area of life, from sports to conversations
to relationships to personal and professional development.
Each month we’ll feature a new practice. I invite you to experiment
with a practice and see what difference it can make in your
life. If you would like to share a practice that works for
you or your response to this practice, please contact Virginia
(click here).
I am pleased
and honored to begin this series of features by introducing
you to my friend and coaching colleague, Ken Murphy. I am
so deeply grateful for his enthusiastic participation, brilliant
thinking, keen insights and generous spirit.
The
Practice of Suspension
An interview
with Ken Murphy by Virginia Macali
Ken
Murphy is an Executive Coach who is associated with Demeter-Matrix
and
MetaLens, both of which specialize in coaching and dialogue.
Until 1991
he was an officer of Pacific Bell and has a long history of
coaching
experience. He has published several articles and has written
a
chapter on Generative Coaching in the best-selling book, Learning
Organizations.
He can be reached at metalens@speakeasy.org.
VM
What is The Practice of Suspension?
KM There
are two meanings of suspension:
1.
temporarily letting go of attachment
to your own ideas and
2. holding your idea, along with the assumptions
behind it, out in front of others with the intention of being
open to influence.
VM How
did you come to begin The Practice of Suspension?
KM I
was interested in the process of dialog that came as a result
of the early
work of Peter Senge. This work was later spelled out in his
book, The
Fifth Discipline. My experience in the corporate world
from a first line
manager to an officer showed me there had to be a better way
of leading
people. Business schools were teaching techniques, not leadership.
Senge’s work on dialog got my attention as one of the more
effective
ways to think about leadership and communicating with people.
VM Who
were your other major influences on dialog and working with
people?
KM
David Bohm, the renowned quantum physicist, David Isaacs
of Dialogos, James
Flaherty of New Ventures West, and my wife, Sarita
Chawla, author of
Learning Organizations.
VM Could
you give me an example of how you use The Practice of Suspension?
KM Yes.
This year I studied the propositions which were to appear
on the ballot
in California. I came to my own tentative decision on each
one. I
sent the decisions to a circle of friends and colleagues,
saying, "Here’s
what I think. Some of my opinions are strong, some I am really
confused
about. I invite your comments. I could be wrong." The important
part is that I was willing to be influenced---even on things
I feel
strongly about."
VM Can
you say more about suspension?
KM One
way to think of it is listening without resistance. Instead
of holding
a belief and arguing, suspension is offering for examination
and challenge
the belief, the rationale and the assumptions underneath---not
simply
justifying your position. While doing this, one temporarily
holds
the beliefs of others at an equal value to one’s own, at least
while
both are being examined.
At it’s
best, it is inviting people to comment to help you see it
more clearly. Most people are afraid to listen without resistance
because they see it as a sign of weakness. Or they
are holding strongly and don’t want their mind to be changed.
You can
listen without resistance and at the end of a day, you still
get to decide,
so being open to influence is not a threat.
VM What
results do you see when you practice suspension?
KM First,
I find my own position often shifts, either a little or a
lot, because
I see something I hadn’t considered before.
Second,
one interesting side effect is that people notice they are
being listened
to in a new way. They feel heard and satisfied. On a large
scale,
I think this type of listening could end war in our world.
VM Where
can I read more about The Practice of Suspension?
KM The
Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of The Learning Organization
by
Peter M. Senge (1990). Suspension is covered under The Discipline
of Team
Learning—Dialog and Discussion. The
Fifth Discipline Fieldbook: Strategies and Tools for Building
a Learning
Organization by Peter M. Senge (1994).
VM How
would you design a Practice for Suspension?
Ken’s
Suspension Practice
- Noticing
This
can range from noticing an internal pressure to speak to
a feeling of
strong emotion, such as anger or fear. The key skill here
is programming
one’s mind to just notice when any of these occurs.
- Hit
the pause button
This
is simply a conscious step to pause before speaking and
to self-observe
one’s mental state. Most people, when spoken to and especially
when being persuaded by an other person, respond automatically
with old programming that they learned (mostly learned to
protect
their ego). They are on automatic. They are thoughting,
not thinking.
There is therefore no room for anything new to come into
their
minds. The purpose here is to simply introduce a space between
stimulus
and response so that something new has space to enter.
- Listen
with a willingness to be influenced
This
is temporarily suspending one’s attachment to something,
either for or
against, while listening. It involves letting go of one’s
attachments
to something, either for or against. This leaves room to
be influenced
but does not require one to actually change unless it makes
sense
to them. At the end of the day, they have the ability to
make up their
own minds, so there is no threat to doing this.
- Dialog
This
is listening and speaking in ways that put one’s own assumptions
on the
table for examination and exploring others’ ideas, holding
them (at least
temporarily) on an equal footing with one’s own. It implies
a lack
of separation between oneself and others. This leads to
a joint seeking
of something new, something of value. It treats the other
as an "I"
of equal value as oneself. At its best, it examines (suspends
for public
view) not only one’s positions but engages in an act of
discovery and
examination of the assumptions underlying those positions
while staying
open to change. It is holding a mood of mutual respect.
- Reflection
or soaking
This
is about letting things sit in one’s mind long enough to
be given a chance
to soak in. It is also about reflecting on what comes up,
noticing
both the outcomes of that soaking as well as how the process
in working
in one’s being.
- Change
or reframing, if appropriate
This
final step is about changing one’s position, if appropriate
given the
effects of steps 1-5 above. It may also result in reframing
the issue
one started with. (For example, it may result in seeing
the whole issue
in a very different way from the way it was seen at the
beginning -
seeing it through a different lens.)
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